"Gravity is about how George Clooney would rather float away and die than spend another minute with a woman his own age" – Tina

"We are going to get this show done in three hours or as Martin Scorsese calls it, Act One" – Tina

"I know Andy Samberg from his song 'I'm On a Boat,' which this year was adapted into Tom Hanks' 'Captain Phillips'" – Amy

"Matthew McConaughey lost 45 pounds for his film, or what actresses call 'being in a movie.'" – Tina

"Masters of Sex is the degree I got at Boston College" – Amy

“Welcome to the 71st Annual Tina Fey and Amy Poehler’s Lee Daniels’ The Butler Golden Globe Awards” – Tina

Talking about hosting for the 2nd time: "Because in Hollywood, when something “kinda works, you keep doing it till everybody hates it” – Tina

"American Hustle: Interesting trivia, the original title of that movie was Explosion at the Wig Factory" – Tina

"Matt Damon is here. On any other night, you would be a big deal, but tonight, you're basically a garbage person" – Amy

"Amy Poehler is a straight-up bitch" – Amy

"This year is legit! Last year was [thumbs down]" – Tina

"The Cecille B. DeMille award: for short men with big glasses" – Amy

"If I wanted to see Jonah Hill masturbate at a pool party, I'd go to one of Jonah Hill's pool parties" – Amy